Snowflakes Marching, Polar Bears Pushing

I’m hoping that you can visualize some of the cringe-worthy comments you hear on TV these days, particularly from the meteorologists, in an amusing way.

Take, for example, the phrase “a massive winter storm is marching in”. Can you picture a bunch of snowflakes, or perhaps penguins, marching like an army toward your town?

Or try “an arctic blast is sweeping in”. Can you see a blast in the background as a huge broom sweeps everything in its path?

Perhaps you can ponder the meaning when the weather forecaster says the temperature is minus zero. How does minus zero differ from zero? Is that even possible?

How about “a massive cold front is pushing southward”. Can you picture a wall of snow being propelled forward by a group of polar bears standing on their hind feet?

And have you noticed the “nanny state” instructions from the meteorologists that have become so common of late? “You will need a warm jacket, mittens and a hat when you go out today.” “Don’t leave the house without your umbrella, heavy rain is expected”.

Then, of course, there’s the constant use of “weatherwise,” “temperaturewise” and a host of other instances of “wise” being tacked onto the ends of otherwise normal words. Why not “weatherdumb” or “Meteorologistdumb”? Or, you know, we could just, you know, sprinkle “you know” throughout our conversations. Meaningless, of course, but no more so than adding “wise.”

I leave you with a storm “rolling in”. Visualize a snowball picking up speed and size as it rolls down the hillside, or tumbleweeds rolling across the prairie.