You may hve seen the quotes below since they have been traveling around the Internet for a while. But they are worth a read. These glorious insults are from an era that valued cleverness with words; an era when the leaders of society didn’t talk about size, use profanity or their middle finger to make their point. Enjoy!
Sir Winston Churchill vs. Lady Astor:
Lady Astor: “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”
Sir Winston: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
Member: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.”
Disraeli: “That depends, Sir, upon whether I embrace your policies, or your mistress.”
“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway): “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner): “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill: “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…if you have one.”
Winston Churchill, in response: “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one.”
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.” – Jack E. Leonard
“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.” – Robert Redford
“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts…for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx